Met my younger self for coffee (pt II).
Tuesday, February 25, 2025.
I know this is called Sunday Soothe Sessions. But truth be told, this writing project began solely as a means to hold myself accountable for writing in a more consistent fashion.
And sometimes, when the inspiration hits like that zip zappy delicious double espresso, we’re going to keep the words flowing.
So, when I first ‘met my younger self for coffee’, and we had such a grand ‘ol time, I was inspired to keep writing for you.
If you missed PART I, go check that out first. It’ll set the stage.
Okay, you’re back. Hi.
So you got the bit about her being early, and her cute nut mylk drink before the fancy nut beverages were even a trendy situation. Let’s carry on.
‘How are you?’ I asked her, gently placing my hand on her forearm.
I could feel the tension in her entire being begin to melt.
So much was being said, in complete nothingness.
She looked up, wide-eyed, and just stared at me for a moment.
I could see the wheels upstairs totally spinning—contemplating the ‘best’ way to answer, to appear composed and as though she had it all together.
When really, all she wanted was to say how things really felt in her physical reality.
And maybe have a good cry.
She took a sip, scrunched up her a nose a bit, ‘Not enough honey,’ she said and then brought her attention back to my question. Likely unaware that she had swallowed hard.
‘I’m good. Here in the city about a week longer, then headed home for a press event.’
Brief. Half truth, half not. Okay, I see where this is going.
My heart aches for her a little.
But also, I know she’s actually ‘got it way more together’ than she thinks.
None of us have really any clue what we’re doing on this strange linear timeline.
It’s all an experiment.
And every new moment is a moment the choose new.
I asked, ‘How are you? Not your schedule.’ I say lovingly.
Her eyes filled up.
She really is doing all the things her physical self can come up with to remain ‘composed’ and not share what’s really on her heart. To say she’s hardly slept in weeks, if not months, and is on a thousand elimination diets, taking a concoction of sedative herbs prescribed by a naturopath to “soothe her nervous system”—strong enough to attempt to knock out a horse.
‘I’m not okay’ she says, a few silent tears running down her cheeks.
And she means it, but I also I see the glimmer.
I always see the glimmer.
She may not fully know it in this moment, but she has absolute unwavering faith in the unseen.
That faith and willingness I told her about earlier, she’s got that already.
She may not know how many opportunities are en-route for her to practice this unwavering, unshakeable, undeniable faith and willingness.
But baby girl’s got it.
I squeeze her arm a little tighter and just sit with her.
Not many words are needed in this moment.
She knows.
How do you seem to know exactly what to say, even if that’s nothing at all?’ she asked.
Woman—this was not always the case. And I have my moments too.
But here is what I know now, today, in this moment.
Even when you’re feeling tender, because holy hot damn, I’ve been tenderized.
Even then, clarity can move through you at lightening speed.
Even then, joy is available.
Even then, expansion is possible.
Even then, your state of being is a choice.
I see her shoulders drop.
Her fingers soften around her mug.
Her smile subtly appear.
Her eyes brighten.
And her breath deepen.
It’s as though she instantaneously shifted states.
But old habits creep in real quick and she looks at her phone to notice the time.
I witness slight sensations of panic and guilt sneak back into her field.
’Don’t you have another meeting soon? Sorry to take up so much time.’ Her apologetic and disregulated state is slightly back online.
‘Give me a moment’, I say.
And after a brief exchange with another dear sister who understands when priorities shift, I come back to presence with my younger self.
’Not today’, I say.
Because sometimes, the priority is what is right in front of you.
And it took current me a few years to figure that one out.
‘Early dinner?’ I ask.
To be continued… I am cherishing this time with her, beyond words.
